Now, some may find this sacrilegious, but I must respectfully and humbly disagree – it’s sacrilarious!
Roaming the length and breadth of the world, I spread the very cream of human goodness at every step. Sober, chaste and sane, I leave a trail of goodwill in my wake, and practically spew happy thoughts in all directions; like a fragmentation bomb made of teddy bears.
Thus it is that I have begun the Hotel Bible Defacement Project.
Every time I find a bible in a hotel, I draw a picture in it. This room, in Munich, had a three-language version in a drawer.
Unquestionably, this is a really good idea, and a kind of public service as well.
I figure anyone grabbing for the Gideon in a hotel room in the middle of the night has probably already got a note written and both barrels in their mouth; so why not give them something peculiar and funny to jog them back into a better mindset, rather than a bunch of mumbo-jumbo written by a pack of long-dead demagogues?
The next one will feature Jesus H. Christ hisself, flying around in a spaceship – you know those Jetsons-style ones with the big dome on top, so you can see inside – and stuffing seagoing members of the weasel family into his mouth and singing, to the tune of an old country standard:
“All day I race/ through outer space/ and stuff my face with otters”.
It may be years before anyone sees my illustrations, I have no way of knowing; but I’m not in it for fame. It’s all about the teddy bears.